Self-Love? What is the true me?

We might all have heard at some point that we need to love ourselves better and that’s what makes us able to love others and the world fully.

Self-love is what empowers us to face Life creatively instead of sticking us in the legs and loose our energy in destructive self-talk.

See through your beliefs and improve your loving self-talk

It’s so commun that we rely on others reflection of who we are. But this is only a reflection, depending on the person mirroring, like the moon sends back to us some light of the sun, but we don’t fully know the sun by looking at the moons reflection.
We can have some people who are able to see our beauty and reflect it to us.
But ultimately, what will empower us is to be able to see our own beauty ourselves, to go from external acceptance toward internal self-acceptance.
So we need direct observation of ourselves to see the true you.

And for me, for this direct observation of oneself to be fair, self-love is needed.

And one aspect of developing a self-love that goes beyond words, is to understand that we look at the world and ourselves through the lens of beliefs of how things are and work.

As an exemple, I’ll use my belief that things are as simple as the plan that we make, like the rational mind sees it.

From a rational view you could say:
1. There is a plant
2. Make a hole in the soil
3. Put the plant in the soil
4. Give some water
5. The plant blooms
Simple!

Or in another situation:
1. Decide who to call
2. Pick up your phone
3. Have the conversation
4. Get an answer – get the job, the agreement… the result!

This belief has very disheartening effects. When I find myself not being able to fulfill the plan the inner voice says “But it’s so simple, and I haven’t even been able to do that. So what about more complex thinks!”

With such a self-talk, I feel like there’s something wrong with me. If I can’t handle “simple” stuff, how will I ever do anything of importance.

And this might be a belief strongly seeded as you grown up, by being met with impatience and dismissive expression when you didn’t know or managed to do things that your caregivers or other influent adults like school teachers perceive as something you should already know and master.

So later on, this beliefs pervades your perception of the world and of yourself. To be self loving, you need – in that example- to get aware of the “This should be easy”-lens you are looking at the world and yourself and question it. Is it really that simple? Are these simple logical steps all that is at play and necessary for the plant to bloom?
From this reality check, it’s possible to reply to the inner voice of “This is so simple” that if it was, I would already have done that. So obviously there is more to it.
And from there, instead of making myself wrong and doubting of my capacities and self worth, I can look at what more is at play and take care of that – find some help, information or support – whichever is relevant.

From Alana Fairchild “Sacred Rebels” oracle deck

So self-love is the voice who recognize the beliefs we collected through life, and know that there’s nothing wrong with you and that puts your energy in places that will support what you try to achieve instead of mining your self worth and undermine you.

❤️✨

How does it sound when you talk to yourself? What’s the pattern? Is it supportive and inviting for finding new ways? Or do you feel bitten down, drained and disempowered by your self-talk?

When you notice a thought that turns you down. Pause. Wonder. What’s true. Have a reality check.

To see through these beliefs that we usually don’t even know are at play can be tricky. There others you trust can help.

How can you show yourself self-love today and see more of your true self with love and compassion?

Share and comment! And reach out to trustworthy people for help and support.

Header picture by frankWinkler – Pixabay

Just before the light

I’m in the midst of a birthing process

The pain goes high, the pattern and dynamics at play repeat themselves to make me more and more clearly aware of what’s going on. The suffering increases for each instance. The discomfort is getting way out off my tolerance. It hurts so much. So I’m ready. Ready to learn, ready to meet, ready to love.

I made an appointment with my favorite reality reframer- a mentor coach – to help me midwifing and find a new perspective.

A new layer of my being is ready to be loved. An old story and belief is ready to be seen through new light. An old strategy is ready to be thanked for the service it has been earlier in my life. I’m ready to be let go of the old for a new story, a new reading, a reading that takes into account my growth and the resources I have today compared to where I was when the old strategy come in place.

It’s feels darker than anytime

Picture Pixabay – Illuvis

Although right now, in the midst of the emotional turmoil, it looks like a mess and really a bad place to be, I have the awareness that this is something good. That this is coming up powerfully because I’m ready to take care of this fragment of me, that has been forgotten and put into a dark room to protect me.

It hurts because I have outgrown this old strategy. It once helped, probably saved me, but it’s now far too small for me to continue where my love for Life guides me.

If you wonder why I’m speaking in so general terms, it’s just because the process is still ongoing and the clarity of what wants to transform isn’t here yet. I just have the clarity that this dramatical emotional turmoil that I would have judged earlier as a solid proof of my inadequacy and my inability of taking properly care of myself, that this is a sign of growth, a new aspect ready to be welcomed in love.

Touching the basic need of connection

The pattern playing out and that hurts these days is affecting my relationships and this affects me deeply as I so intensely feel my need and longing for nurturing loving connections. It goes in a spiral where I notice painfully how I retract from connections, seeing the dynamic repeating itself, with a feeling of being out of control, fearing to create more pain, more suffering, and above all fearing loosing the love of these people- some so dear to me.

As a gift in synchronicity with my needs, a friend drew my attention yesterday to a talk of Eckart Tolle who reminded me that suffering is the fuel for us to make the commitment to meet that which no longer serves us. Because as long as the discomfort is bearable, we avoid meeting the unknown and the pain. So life generously gives us exactly what we need for us to grow.

Picture: Pixabay – Glady

My purpose in writing this is to shine a light on these transformation processes we go through. To increase the understanding of these crisis. To awake your curiosity and compassion next time you find yourself in an emotional storm, where something seems unraveling and impossible to solve. To know that you are OK and that these moments are opportunities to meet aspects of yourself that are ready to be taken care of the person you have become.

I’m also sharing because this is a vulnerable place that we are taught to hide, concealed in shame, that need more light and courage to be exposed. So that we can learn from each other that we are good, that the messiness is not a sign of failure and unworthiness, but a part of a process from which more life, joy and freedom can emerge.

Please comment below, what arise in you after this reading? Insight? Questions? Something else?

With love and compassion.

PS: Here is the link if you feel curious about Eckart’s teaching:

The healing of being seen

“The healing magic that happens on retreat, happens through letting ourselves be seen. […] parts of ourselves we get validated instead of violated. […] One layer at a time, let down the shields. ” Darla LeDoux

That’s what I’ve experienced in the Circle Way of Medicine Story, the magic of being witnessed and loved in all our parts. And later I experienced this principle in the powerful transforming tools of Christian Pankhurt’s HeartIQ circles, where we are invited to expand our emotional range, discover our core goodness and own more and more of ourselves. These are some of my inspiration and tools for what I want to bring into this world.

I invite you to listen to Darla’s podcast episode where she explains transformation to get a fooler understanding and normalise it, inclusive the scary messy aspects on the always evolving path of our lives.

So what are YOU afraid to be judged for? And what would become available if you owned that aspect of yourself?

What are you ready to come out with? Please share in the comments!