A breakdown for a breakthrough

About how commitment to your dreams and surrender takes you to the next level in your life.

There are place in ourselves we wouldn’t choose to go willingly. Aspects of us we would do all we can to avoid showing them. Because we learned throughout life that these aspects were weaknesses, not acceptable, shameful. And unconsciously we do all we can to avoid needing feeling that again.

And still, in these places is gold to be found.

The power of the choice to show up in the unknown, surrendering to the moment and what is.

At the end of the week of Embodied Speaking at New Eden (Holland), as a conclusion of our training we were invited to prepare and perform on stage a presentation speech of 4 minutes. 

We were given the time over lunch to get prepared. I had quite a few ideas, but to extract the essence, it was clear that I needed more time. And I really felt the futility and counterproductivity to work hard to try to force my creativity. I know things need to be dropped a while to let the process continue in the background and complete it effortlessly when it’s ripe.

So I first had to let go of the expectation to be able to articulate right now THE message that says all about my work and passion. I would have so loved to have an impactful, clear message I would be proud to publish to inform about what I want to serve. I realised that I had to accept what was ready to be expressed now in its imperfection.

But even so, preparation time was over before I managed to formulate a coherent message with a visible red thread.

The other participants began to perform their pieces. I was amazed how they one after the other could bring a strong beautiful content about their passion and what they want to bring to the world. As time passed, I was more and more aware that my turn would come and I still had no clue about how to present why I’m doing what I do. Distress grew in me to the point it was disturbing me and I needed to do something to let it move.

As I didn’t want to interrupt my friends on stage and I no longer could focus on their performance, I chose to eject from the event room and meet my feelings outside.
My tears running, someone came to me to hear what was going on for me.
I expressed all my distress of not having a speech ready.

After a while explaining to her why I couldn’t perform and feeling the familiar frustration of not feeling able to take my next steps in my heart centered business, I finally asked myself what was worse that could happen now: being on stage and being the only one who didn’t manage to come with a coherent content for her message? Or not going on stage and sit afterwards with the group in circle when we would celebrate that we all made this decisive courageous step toward speaking from our heart in an impactful form, however the performance went.

Rather show up than hide anymore 

At this point it was clear that the shame of being the one who is not being able to bring an coherent content was nothing compared to the feeling of misery of not having symbolically taken that step. I understood that I’d rather dropped any ambition to make it right and allowed myself to just come on stage without other ambition than showing up.

So tears still running, I went back inside. Someone just finished his talk and the next person was called to go. To the questioning look at me, I decided that this was the time to go – my emotions were anyway unlikely to settle within the coming minutes.

A deep breath, moving my body and feeling it, stepping on the stage, go and stand in the middle of the front of the stage and take in my audience. After a few eye contact, a wave of emotion swept over me. So I began to speak, presenting myself and naming my uncontrollable emotional state I face so often as the highly sensitive person I am. How it shuts down my logical left brain and although my emotions are there running I had this day chosen to show up anyway.

I told my story of the gifts of having my logical rational minds qualities that were appreciated and encouraged since my childhood. How I became a Ms mechanical engineer, whose work and performance were appreciated. I was good and praised at my work but I always had to fight back these emotional waves outburst that were seen as inadequate weaknesses. And my slow pace to answer in the moment were considered as signs of incompetence- quick answers were king.

As good I was at my engineering work, 8 years ago I remember how I was telling my best friend how I was doing my best at my work and still didn’t feel satisfaction and pride – only so drained. Her answer came like a slap in my face. ” Well it means that it’s not your best”. What was she saying? Then it became clear: I did my best as an engineer but this wasn’t the best I could do. I had something else to give.

So from that point I have been in a quest to align myself with my truth, a self discovery journey where I learned different skills to support others to create and step into a life of deep satisfaction, purposeful, meaningful, where their very qualities, their essence find her expression.

As I got tense while speaking, I invited myself to breathe together with the audience.

I closed my speech by inviting people feeling that they don’t fully fit in and or feel stuck, not able to express their fullest self to take contact with me to explore what could help them.

When I still stood there on stage, I could feel the joy of having done my speech despite my fear of exposing my emotions and not having a coherent message. At this point, I just enjoyed having dared to show up. And at the same time hearing my mind telling me “that’s all good, but why on earth would anyone be interested to hire me after seeing that, when showing myself so fragile with so strong and visible challenges- not having it all together? »

Only when debriefing with some of my friends could I realised the positive impact of what of me had just shown up. 

These tears I so feared to expose, all these authentic emotions served my message, guiding me to tell just what was relevant of my life story for the purpose I’m here to serve today. “It felt as if you planed your tears just to make the necessary impact ” was one of the comments. 

I had just been shown by Life what a new paradigm leader can look like, in full coherence with who I actually am, without pretending of having it all fully under control.

This dive in the unknown and surrendering to what is, gifted me with a clarity that had eluded me until this moment: I knew more now about who is the specific audience I’m here to serve: highly sensitive persons whose emotions and pace have been in the way of their full expression in life, and let them find their way toward the impact and change they long to gift our world with.

Commitment to my purpose 

Another gift that I have been given and reminded of through this experience was to witness that my commitment to show up to what I felt was most serving me gave me access to resources in myself to respond in real time to what is needed in the moment. And that my preparation didn’t need to be complete, meaning that I don’t need to know exactly what to say before hands. All the pieces can fall into place in real time.

I experienced this again two days later. At the beginning of the week, I had committed to lead a body movement morning practice. And when time came, I just had had a very unsettling short night sleep. 

By feeling into the fact that practicing my leadership was a step serving my purpose I wanted to take, and this was a beautiful opportunity, I could decide to be fully present and gently take care of my energy as it was before starting the session, trusting that I would find a flow. During the session, I witnessed how my intuition delivered in the moment ingredients I had wondered before how to integrate.

And the feedback after the session was so good. I could gratefully see the progress of my loving command to guide others.

Now it’s your turn!

How can you use more commitment to your higher purpose and let go of the control habits and  surrender to your intuitive intelligence in your life?

What are your experiences? 
What can you do today that serves your growth?

Tell me in the comments!
Have a vibrant living day!

Storms of despair

Sometimes I wonder
How am I really doing
Lately I’ve been so easily intensely shaken
Desperate
Strong feelings, no more horizon, no more perspective
Just feeling the hardship

What to do when it comes strong
Again and again?
I know these feelings need to be felt
The part feeling distressed, crying for love and support
In a world that doesn’t seem
To offer just that

Or is it true?
I know also the infinite beauty
I also heard that voice in me
So late as yesterday
Saying- there’s nothing wrong with this planet
All is there for love to be felt
And expressed

And my emotional waves continue
To give me rides in the depths of despair
Where I see no light
No bright futures to hold onto
As a raft of the tumultuous
Ocean of pain, doubts, brokenness

So I try to sit beside me
And feel the love for this creature who’s me
That she’s craving
That’s all she needs
Love
Being loved in all her aspects
And more than anything else
She wants to feel how She
Loves
Life, humans, trees, the mysteries

Waves, ebb and flows
How do I help these suffering parts of me to see
That there are all reasons
To stand up again
And that the feeling of ease and joy
Can stay more tangible

Some people tell me
It’s a choice to be made
Moment by moment
To feel and fuel yourself
From ease and joy
From Love
From source

She prays
That next time the stormy feeling settles
And let the surface of her inner world
Rest in beauty and light
For the peaceful feeling
To linger longer in her
So she can feel nurtured
And build her strength
So that she might
Act in this world
And spread her light
To all others

She has also been reminded of
Not to take her waves, her up and downs
Too personally
Not make it mean anything about herself
About her worthiness
These are waves
Where highs and lows follow each other’s
In cycles repeating themselves
Just be with it

And choose
Trust
In life
And land into what is
Rest at the low of the waves


Create experiences of connectedness

How do I create an experience of the world that is more connected, that is more loving?

That’s the kind of questions that we need to ask ourselves when we wonder how to touch more people to change their behaviors. And just do that! In the small, intimate sphere and in the larger public sphere, in our work.

Changes of behaviors that really help manifesting the change serving Life need to be rooted in a change of beliefs systems.
Getting experiences that reconnect us to our love, to others, to life is what fosters change in beliefs systems.

It’s never about persuasion, coming with enough logical, rational, scientific evidences. We replace the old paradigm by practicing, offering a taste of the new one. That’s how the necessary shift can occur.

I’m happy to share this interview from Charles Eisenstein who have been a deep inspiration source for me these past years for what is possible and that following my heart is the only thing that makes sense!

So what are your ways to create more connectedness?

Vision and Rhythms

I know the power of being connected to my vision so I regularly review what are my longings and what I invite more of in my life.

Still tired but inspired, I share with you…

And what I got confronted again was my relationship to the highs and lows – fearing and rejecting the lows and still knowing that the life I really long for allows me to enjoy resting, not doing, breathe out and let my tank be refilled

High and low energies integrated in the vision – Give and receive

So after two days resting and wondering what would I do if I felt right now sparkling energy, I came up with a new picture, centered on the rhythms of my energies, where I just surf the wave without judgement, doing what the high energy makes possible, invite my peace to rest and receive what I need in the low of the wave.

Following the waves of Life

From that place, what I dream to do and live is so much more accessible. My creativity wakes up and my confidence in next wave to come grows

Love what is – movement and stillness

Follow your own pace!

Do you feel at ease with the pace of life around you? Or are you struggling to keep up and push yourself to deliver answers and results more quickly? Do you know what your true pace is and how does it influence your ability to be in flow and at ease in your life?

Made wrong during childhood 

One strong memory I have from preschool time, as a 4 year old, is sitting alone in the classroom while the other kids are playing outside. I’m punished because I haven’t finished my eggshells collage. My schoolteacher made clear to me: I’m too slow and should train to catch up.

The feeling of inadequacy grew through the years, with anguish and difficulties to perform as asked during each first term of each grade to bloom later in the second half of the year.

Later, during my mechanical Ms.Sc studies, I remember a meeting to start a project with a car museum manager. My mentor teacher lectured me after the meeting for not having taken the chance to ask more questions- meaning that I missed the opportunity to do so. From my side, I had been absorbing all the new information I was given and couldn’t reach in the moment the point where I could discern what kind of other information would be necessary.

So I tried to adapt and integrated that I should be able to deliver more quickly. Went along in life pushing myself to perform, often feeling highly stressed and inadequate doing so.

The courage of the Snail!

Escargot003During my training as a lifecoach, we talked about courage and should chose an animal as a symbol for our courage. I first couldn’t come up with anything, but our coach would let this be my answer. So after some long seconds in discomfort , I burst out: 

“It can’t possibly be a snail! It’s so smal and fragile, anyone might crush it anytime”

While saying this I realised that it required courage to be this little slow snail, amongst all the fast moving people. This metaphor helped me to connect to some of my aspects, own them, understanding more the gifts in them.

Getting at ease with my way of being 

This journey led me to explore the implications of introversion and reading about it could see more clearly that my slow response in new encounters and situations is my natural way that goes hand in hand with my love to go deeper into things.

img_0487

How easy is it for you to go through life at just your pace? What are the challenges for you? What do you witness in your life when you allow yourself to follow your pace?

Please feel free to write your reflections here.

Live a good life!

What treasures are you hiding?

We are all so much more complex then we are often willing to show. And there are aspects of life we haven’t learn to value, because it was either made wrong or overviewed when we grew up.

For instance, I’m grown upp in a family where art wasn’t something serious – that it won’t bring food on the family table. I never felt made wrong for my drawings but it wasn’t encouraged either. On the other hand, learning to read, write, mathematics and science were skills that were rewarded both at school and at home.

So I chose the mechanical engineering path and was proud and happy with that for a while. But that wasn’t all of me.

Some years ago, I reconnected with my love for drawing with at therapist. She made me discover a way to connect  with my inner world, reach to parts of me that I otherwise found difficult to get in touch with. A wonderful way of expression.

What are you ways of expression? What do you hide in your closet, keep for yourself when you’re on your own, no one seeing or listening? What juicy ingredient of you are you dismissing because you don’t believe it’s enough valuable to be seen? Or that you feel cannot be part of what you bring to the world because you haven’t had role-models for this in your life?

I’m curious to hear what you connect to with these questions. Feel free to leave a comment here!

Liv a living life!

How perfect do you need to be?

In this video, I share with you an insight I had recently about an idea that can stop us from showing up with our bright gifts.

We all bear a core wound that says that we are not good enough. From this belief, often unconscious, we look at our lives and feel that we have nothing valuable enough to offer, even on the subjects that we are passionate about and have learned and experienced a lot about. Our mind always finds so many examples of how we really don’t manage this skill in our own life. Therefore we ask ourselves “How can I possibly guide other people in this when I still have so many issues in my daily life with it.”

However, I realized that I have much knowledge about for instance emotions, their role, the need to allow ourselves to express them and emotions importance for real change to happen. Although I still want to improve my ability to feel safe and give myself permission to express my feelings freely, I experienced how much knowledge I already have that isn’t known by everyone who needs this knowledge and therefore is of great value to share.

New step – restart!

In this short video, I share my re-commitment to blogg again as I experienced a feeling of expansion and freedom when thinking about blogging, seeing a vast sea and blue sky, a wide horizon with a feeling of ease and harmony.

I also share my invitation to people, entrepreneurs, women to get more in touch with their passion and be inspired to manifest it into the world, through my Lifecoaching.

I tell about my re-discover of my need to talk and share about my passion to get in touch with it, and that blogging in my way, with video is one of the steps to more of my gifts expressed in the world.

Enjoy watching and get inspired.

What is your next step?

Please comment and contact me with your insights and questions!

Have a vibrant living life!

Melting fears into flow

Here is a short video to show you different ways to move the energy of fear and let it flow again.

We have basically 4 ways to respond to fear:

image
1. fight – you express anger
2. Flee – you run away – physically or mentally
3. Freeze – you don’t move, hold your breath not to be discovered
4. Faint – you loose your energy, feel drained

When noticing that you are acting from fear, you can choose to loose this up with
1. Oozing- soft, undulating movements
2. Take a Sumo stand, grounded and stable
3. Shake your fingers, body, legs, letting your energy flow again
4. Scoop love toward the scary part of you.

image

Try, combine, breath and see what happens when you actively choose to move your fear.

How does it feel? Tell me!
Live well!