Storms of despair

Sometimes I wonder
How am I really doing
Lately I’ve been so easily intensely shaken
Desperate
Strong feelings, no more horizon, no more perspective
Just feeling the hardship

What to do when it comes strong
Again and again?
I know these feelings need to be felt
The part feeling distressed, crying for love and support
In a world that doesn’t seem
To offer just that

Or is it true?
I know also the infinite beauty
I also heard that voice in me
So late as yesterday
Saying- there’s nothing wrong with this planet
All is there for love to be felt
And expressed

And my emotional waves continue
To give me rides in the depths of despair
Where I see no light
No bright futures to hold onto
As a raft of the tumultuous
Ocean of pain, doubts, brokenness

So I try to sit beside me
And feel the love for this creature who’s me
That she’s craving
That’s all she needs
Love
Being loved in all her aspects
And more than anything else
She wants to feel how She
Loves
Life, humans, trees, the mysteries

Waves, ebb and flows
How do I help these suffering parts of me to see
That there are all reasons
To stand up again
And that the feeling of ease and joy
Can stay more tangible

Some people tell me
It’s a choice to be made
Moment by moment
To feel and fuel yourself
From ease and joy
From Love
From source

She prays
That next time the stormy feeling settles
And let the surface of her inner world
Rest in beauty and light
For the peaceful feeling
To linger longer in her
So she can feel nurtured
And build her strength
So that she might
Act in this world
And spread her light
To all others

She has also been reminded of
Not to take her waves, her up and downs
Too personally
Not make it mean anything about herself
About her worthiness
These are waves
Where highs and lows follow each other’s
In cycles repeating themselves
Just be with it

And choose
Trust
In life
And land into what is
Rest at the low of the waves


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